A Wealth of Words

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It’s been a while, but I’ve found my words

So, this is a rant. I’m not going to dress it up, I’m just going to rant because it’s about time for one of those. 

Congratulations, you’ve been hired for a job. Wooh–employment rocks. Here are the steps to keep that job and not make me want to 1) stab myself in the eye 2) throw my phone into the nearest toilet. 

1. Show up on time. For the love of all that is good in the world, show up on time. The winners in life are the punctual, or at least the not-egregiously-unpunctual. Take note of that. You know what, getting somewhere 5 minutes early never killed anyone. Try it out. It will definitely serve you better professionally than showing up 15 minutes late. 

2. Do your job. I have a job. You have a job. We all have jobs, unless we’re retired, children in countries with labor laws, trust fund babies, or people currently looking for jobs who wished that they had jobs…like we do. Please please please, do your job. It will just help us all get home earlier. If you come in and shit around, and procrastinate and do whatever you can to avoid your job, I notice. So don’t do it because it’s psychologically troubling to me. Thanks. 

3. If you say that you’re going to work. I’d appreciate something. Actually work. Here’s something–a horrible realization–that has only recently struck me. Most likely, every time in the past that I have made an excuse to not come to work, my boss has seen through my lie and known that I was just being lazy. This is crushing because I’ve told my part of fibs to get out of a shift here or there. The thing is: the rate at which people become “ill,” deal with “family emergencies” or have “car problems” is statistically impossible. What sucks is–there are some people who do get ill, have family emergencies, or deal with car troubles. By lying about them, you’re fostering a situation in which I can’t tell their truth from your fib, and it just means that I trust no one. Please stop. Just work when you say you’ll work. It’s not that bad. If you don’t want to work, then quit.

5) Please–to save me from lashing out irrationally at someone who’s not you–if you are going to inform that you’re


-not coming in

-quitting an hour before your shift

-only every coming back to pick up a check for work that you didn’t actually do that well

say it nicely. Be a little apologetic. Be humble.

Thanks. I appreciate it.